Half a Muse

Still here, still at 271(.5)

2010-05-16T23:29:00.003-04:00

No excuses, I just haven't been around. I also haven't been watching what I was eating. Somewhere in there, I had a 6-day headache and was put on a beta blocker, which are notorious for causing weight gain. Sure enough, I gained 4 pounds in less than a month and was sitting at 275. ACK!! I am pleased to report that things seem to have stabalized, and I am back down to 271.5. Whew!!

I am also reasserting myself to work harder to lose some weight. Definitely need to do so before a big event in 2011 (someone else's big event, actually, but I get to participate). I'm not expecting miracles, but I do have a number in mind (and I'll keep it to myself for now). I've got almost a year exactly. Best get cracking!

Week 19: 271 lbs?!

2010-01-18T17:44:00.000-05:00

Hello? Anyone still there? I am still here, believe it or not. It has been about 3 months since I last popped in. It has been quite the insane 3 months, to say the least. We've had the closing of the new house not go so smoothly, many innumerable thing go wrong with the new house and family and a bunch of other things, actual moving (which ironically went quite well), Thanksgiving, Christmas, putting old house on the market, being terribly sick for New Year's, and child sleep issues (still on-going). I am pleased to announce that we have accepted an offer on the old house, so hopefully that will be over by the end of February and we will once again have only *one* mortgage (won't that be nice? LOL).

Now here is the part that I just don't think can be right. I weighed myself yesterday morning. It said 271. I did it several times over the course of the next hour or so, and it kept saying 271. I just don't see how that can be right! Especially when I weighed myself sometime during the week of Christmas (for the first time since my last post in October, and for the first time since moving), and it said 276.5 lbs. Given all the leftovers I ate after everyone was gone the weekend after Christmas, I don't see how I managed to lose 5.5 pounds in the last 3 weeks. I find it hard to believe that I would be down 1.5 pounds from October as well. I really thought I would be 275-278. Something seems weird! But that's what it said, so I guess we'll go with it for now.

Still haven't unearthed my South Beach Diet book, and we have yet to establish any sort of cooking/grocery routine at the new house (hard to do with all of that crammed in there), so I'm still not sure when I will start that. From what I know of the program, the first two weeks are going to take a lot of work and dedication, and I need things to be a little less chaotic before I can focus like that. But I am trying to be aware of how much I am eating at any given time so I don't completely lose track of the calories I am consuming (and if the scale is right, it seems to be working). That's not to say there haven't been a few binge moments, but for the most part, I think I am doing well. Guess we'll see next week if the scale was just flaking out, or if that number is really accurate!

Week 6 Weigh In: 272.5

2009-10-18T20:09:00.003-04:00

I forgot to weigh in Saturday morning this week, so I did it first thing Sunday morning instead. Looks like the half pound that had found its way back to me last week seems to be gone again this week. Then again, half a pound could just be due to this or that. Next week will be the key. Really trying to get back on track with eating less. My South Beach Diet book seems to have gotten packed in a box somewhere in preparation for moving, so I don't know when I'll get around to actually reading it, much less implementing it. But I will keep trying to do better about monitoring at least how much I am eating, if not so much what I am eating (though I am trying to be conscious of that as well). I hope things will settle after the move, but Thanksgiving and Christmas will follow up close behind, so who knows. At the very least, I don't want to gain any between now and January 1! We'll see how I manage.

Week 5 Weigh In: 273.0 lbs

2009-10-14T09:33:00.002-04:00

Yeah, so you may have noticed that there is no week 4 weigh in (and that I am very late in posting week 5). Saturday of week 4 was the day of Luke's birthday party, and I hit the ground running the minute I woke up. The party went great! We had 14 people for the party itself and dinner afterward, and 10 people for breakfast the next morning. It wasn't until Tuesday or Wednesday that I realized I had never weighed on Saturday, so I just waited until the next Saturday.

And I did actually weigh myself this past Saturday morning of week 5! That 273.0 lbs is real and accurate from that morning, and you know what? I couldn't be more thrilled! Yes, it is up half a pound, but if that is all that cake, candy, and days of leftover bacon cheeseburger meatloaf (YUM!) cost me, then I am a happy girl. But why did it take me another 4-5 days to post the results? Because when I came downstairs to post my results to the blog, I instead was faced with a child with pink eye! So off to the doctor, then 3 days of fighting with him to take his drops (no school Monday due to the holiday), then my always-insane work day on Tuesday, and here we are on Wendesday. Man, this life thing is hard! LOL

Given how bonkers everything has been, plus TOTM, I'm not expecting a loss of any sort this coming Saturday either. In fact, there may be another gain, but if so, I hope it will be a small one. I finally feel like I am starting to get back on track after 1-2 weeks of craziness. We'll have to wait and see if the scale agrees.

Week 3 Weigh In: 272.5 lbs

2009-09-25T07:02:00.002-04:00

Another pound? Really? I do not understand my body. This week has been insane, including my eating, and yet the scale seems to think I am down another pound. And it hasn't even been a whole week! (We won't be home tomorrow morning, so I went on and weighed this morning.) So why was this week so insane? Well, work was pretty nutty, but we also put an offer on a house! After a few offer/counter-offer cycles, we are officially under contract. And we are both so tired, it's not even funny. But hey, it's a pound, and I'll take it.

Week 2 Weigh In: 273.5 lbs

2009-09-19T10:14:00.005-04:00

I had several things I intended to talk about this past week, but none of them happened. We've just been so busy with the house, both cleaning ours and looking at others. I don't know when I think I will actually have time to *read* the bloomin' South Beach Diet book. But I did remember to weigh myself this morning: 273.5 lbs (124.1 kg). That is down 1 lb (0.45 kg) from last week, though I have no idea how that happened. I have been horrible this week! Not only did I eat too many carbs, I ate too much of everything in general. I have to learn to get a grip on my hormonal eating. I feel hungry for 3-5 days pretty much no matter what or how much I eat. I need to try and figure out a strategy before next month. I hope this coming week will be better with the eating, even though my stress level will likely be out the roof. I think we might be putting in an offer on a house! Stay tuned.

Week 1 Weigh In: 274.5 lbs

2009-09-12T12:46:00.002-04:00

I decided to go ahead and weigh myself this morning, just to see if anything had changed with me being a little more conscious of food and cutting out soda and tea. 274.5 lbs (124.5 kg)! Really? 5.5 lbs (2.5 kg) down already? That just seems a bit much, especially since I weighed for my "official starting weight" on Sept 1, then ate quite a bit Labor Day weekend when my parents were here (my final caloric hurrah, so to speak, though I did drink mostly water). Maybe I got dehydrated on Friday or something? Maybe it is the water weight that everyone talks about when you first start losing? I don't know, I'm just a bit suspicious. (ETA: I checked again Sunday morning, and it said the same thing, so I guess it's not a fluke.) But hey, that earns me a gold star in my sidebar, so I'll take it! I am now down to 98% of my starting weight. I know, it doesn't look like much when you put it that way, but every little bit helps.

So what's the plan?

2009-09-09T21:46:00.004-04:00

The short version: South Beach diet, Walk Away the Pounds, a scale, a measuring tape, and a pedometer. The long version? I hope you're sitting down. Brevity is not my strong suit (which makes it all the more shocking that I enjoy Twitter so much, LOL!).

My doctor has recommended the South Beach Diet. She said that, in her opinion, it was the most healthful of the diets out there. It also addresses the three biggest problems she sees in her patients day in and day out: cholesterol, blood sugar, and kidney function. But the biggest plus in her opinion: it works! She said South Beach and Weight Watchers are the two weight loss programs that she sees the most people succeed with, but that she prefers the additional nutritional guidelines of South Beach for me personally given some of my other issues. (She was not knocking Weight Watchers!)

I ordered the South Beach Diet Supercharged book with some of my birthday money, and it arrived today, so I will get to reading it shortly. I already understand the gist of it from reading online, though. It is a higher protein/lower carb type diet. Given that I'm a carb junkie, that is probably a good thing. It is also likely to be the hard thing. I love my white flour!! Pasta and cereal and white bread; I'm drooling just thinking about it. Don't get me wrong, I love a good hearty whole wheat bread as well (like Longhorn's, mmmm), but giving up Artuzzi's breadsticks (which likely have no redeeming nutritional value whatsoever) is going to be hard. I plan to start implementing the plan in earnest right after Luke's birthday party. Yes, I know it is silly to wait to start something like this, but there is so much else going on right now with trying to get the house ready to be put on the market and the party that I think trying to throw in yet another major change that will require large amounts physical and mental time and energy is too much. I actually think it is crazy to try and start it before we move, since I know there may be many (I hope!) evenings with showings where things are wacky and "legal" food might be hard to come by, but I will certainly give it a shot. I figure some kind of effort is better than continuing on the way I have been.

In that spirit, I have already started implementing small changes, like trying to eat proportionally more protein (not really a problem for me; I'm quite the carnivore) and less of the refined foods (1/2 a breadstick instead of 2 or 3; one scoop of mac and cheese at Golden Corral instead of half a plate full). I've started eating breakfast. Just a glass of milk and granola bar (one of the high fiber and Omega 3 ones, but I'm still not sure if they're legal (they're way yummy, so likely not, LOL)), but it does help me be less grumpy in the mornings (duh!) and less hungry at lunch. I have also given up soda (I drank a couple of cans regular Coke a day) and sweet tea. For now, I still drink milk and have the occasional 16 oz (0.5 liter) Kool-aid single (also likely a South Beach no-no, but we'll see), but I have stopped drinking so many of my calories. That alone should help some. I also find it interesting that I did not have a caffeine withdrawal headache this time (like I did the last time I gave up soda and tea), so I must not have been drinking as much of it as I thought. I am aiming for 48 oz (1.4 liters) of water daily right now, minimum, hopefully working my way up to more. We'll see if these changes alone help me lose any weight between now and the first week of October.

Obviously, some working out will be required. Bleck! I hate sweating, no matter what I'm doing. However, as good for me as losing any weight will be, it does me no good if I am not healthy. I would like to be able to climb the stairs and not be winded. Yes, just dropping some pounds will help, but improving my cardiovascular health will also help, and will likely help improve my blood pressure as well (though a large part of my high BP problems are caused by one of the medications I take; when I came off that medication to get pregnant, my BP immediately became completely normal, even though I weighed 235 pounds (106.6 kg)). I also have this quirk, likely related to being so fair skinned, that if I get just the tiniest bit hot, my entire face turns *bright* red. As in, I have had several complete strangers come up and ask me if I was okay because my face was so red. Yep, I'm fine, just hot! My son has inherited this particular trait from me, and everyone at his daycare comments on it. "His face just gets so red!" Yeah, well, he comes by that rightly. But "you gotta do what you gotta do," so I will. I intend to start with Walk Away the Pounds, which I already have. Once that starts getting too easy, I'll investigate other options. I would also like to get a pedometer and aim for 10,000 steps a day, like Dr. Oz recommends (I have his book, too, which I also intend to read).

As far as measuring progress goes, I intend to weigh myself weekly on Saturday mornings. My scale only measures in half pound (226 g) increments, but I actually don't consider that a bad thing. I don't want to become one of those people who steps on and off the scale a dozen times watching it change by 0.2 pounds (91 grams) every time. OTOH, it means I have to change weight by an entire half pound for the number to change! We'll see. I have debated getting one of those scales that measure water and body fat composition, but I don't know. Maybe I'll make that one of my rewards, who knows. For now, half a pound at a time should suffice. I need to take some progress pictures. I actually should have done that on September 1, I guess, since I do hope to have lost some weight by the time I fully implement the South Beach plan in August, but I haven't managed quite yet. Maybe this coming weekend. I intend to take new pictures for every 5% of body weight lost (every 14 pounds (6.4 kg)). That would yield 10 "progress pictures" if I make it to 50% lost, which sounds pretty good. I did take measurements of my waist and hips, which are my two biggest areas of concern. I figure if those two are going down, then the rest of me is likely following suit. Plus, I hate it when people go on about "I lost 250 inches." The more places you measure, "the more inches" you lose! It's misleading unless you post the breakdown, so just those two for me. I might add in the bust size, just so I can quote my "measurements" the way they used to for Hollywood actresses, but I am undecided for now. (For the record, when I was in high school, I was a 36 - 24 - 34.) I think I will re-measure every 2 months, instead of at some weight marker, since I know you can change size even if you haven't changed weight (ask my mother).

So that's the plan! Any feedback or advice welcome.

Goal setting

2009-09-05T23:49:00.004-04:00

Everyone has goals, right? How else do you get anything done? I know I certainly like goals and lists, generally speaking. As I mentioned in my "about me" post, this isn't really about attaining a goal weight per se. It's not about the number on the scale. It is about getting to a healthier weight (and cholesterol level and blood pressure) that I feel I can maintain through diet and exercise without the demands on my life and my time being unreasonable (I do have a job, a husband, and a child). Could I weigh 120 pounds? Possibly. Would I want to put in the time and effort and forgo the calories necessary to do so? Unlikely. So I do certainly have goals, and 140 or less would definitely be nice, but if I don't actually get there (or stay there), it will not crush my soul. Anything less than now is better. But here are the goals I have in mind.

Sheer Numbers

So here are my goals that are actual measurable numbers with some verbiage around why these numbers are important to me. All numbers are in pounds, with kilos in parentheses. I have tried to give plenty of "steps" along the way so that there is always a theoretically attainable goal next in line. Might have to work on getting some extra "in between" numbers, though, especially once the numbers start getting smaller. The more you lose, the harder it is to lose more; the first 20 pounds are easier to take off than the last 20 pounds, etc etc. Also please note that I honestly have no expectation of reaching the last two on the list unless a miracle occurs. I'm not even sure 140 is doable in a practical sense, but I'd like to think it is.

* 280 (127 kg) - my official starting weight
* 269 (122 kg) - because I haven't been under 270 in at least 2 years
* 250 (113.4 kg) - nice round numbers are pleasing to engineer types, plus it represents 10% body weight lost (technically reached at 252 pounds)
* 235 (106.6 kg) - my official "pre-baby" weight
* 220 (99.8 kg) - my lowest official weight since about 2002; also represents 20% body weight lost (@ 224 pounds) and no longer being morbidly obese (BMI < 40 @ 218 pounds); in metric fun, I will be under 100 kg
* 199 (90.3 kg) - no longer being in the 200s; that was long enough ago that I don't even remember the last time it happened, and also represents 30% body weight lost (@196)
* 180 (81.6 kg) - my weight when I got married; ironically also what I weighed when I started high school
* 164 (74.4 kg) - my weight when I started at Georgia Tech; also 40% body weight lost (@ 168) and no longer being obese (BMI < 30 = overweight @ 164 pounds)
* 149 (67.6 kg) - my doctor's idea of an okay weight for me to be (< 150)
* 140 (63.5 kg) - 50% of my starting body weight lost; theoretical goal
* 135 (61.2 kg) - my "stretch goal" of my final high school weight; also a "normal" BMI of 24.7 (normal BMI < 25)
* 128 (58 kg) - my "yeah right" goal of my lowest ever full-height weight, my junior year in high school (grade 11)

Non-Scale Goals

But there is always more to losing weight than the scale. I have no idea at what "weight" any of these things will happen, so they may happen out of order from what is listed. These are some of my other goals for this journey:
* To be able to wear most size 24 pants (the max of many plus-size departments); currently at a 26/28 depending on style and cut
* To be able to wear size 24/3X at JCPenney
* To wear my 18-inch necklace and not feel like it is too tight
* To no longer have dimples where my knuckles should be when my hand is out flat
* To actually have knuckles when I make a fist (I have one tiny one; I would like to have 4)
* To buy something that fits at Old Navy, even if it is from the plus department
* To be able to wear my wedding rings
* To be able to wear my wedding dress
* To buy something from the petite department instead of the plus/women's department (even if it is a size 16P, as long as it's not a size 16WP)
* To buy something that fits at Old Navy from the regular department
* To have one abdominal section, not two (as it appears now, with both upper and lower "humps" on either side of my waist)
* To be comfortable wearing a "babydoll" style t-shirt (I have one in mind)
* To be able to wear and feel comfortable in the blue silk dress I wore to my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary party
* To feel (relatively) comfortable when sitting in an airplane seat
* To weigh less than my husband for the first time ever (when we met, I weighed 135 and he weighed 125 (scrawny non-butt teenager! LOL))
* To feel comfortable wearing a sleeveless shirt in public
* To not be completely mortified to wear a bathing suit in public

I imagine many women have trouble with those last 1 or 2, so I won't fret too much if I never get there. I never wore sleeveless shirts when I was thin because the acne on my arms was *so* bad. Now that I don't have that problem, I think they're too fat. If I lose the weight, I'll likely think they're too flabby! Not sure I'll ever win that battle, but I'll surely give it a try.

I am also borrowing the "gold star" system from Weight Watchers. For every 5 pounds lost, I'll add a star to my sidebar count. I also think that rewards for certain milestones would be nice, but I have no idea what kinds of things to do. Most of my ideas cost money, and not teeny amounts of money either (like an iPod; I own no type of MP3 player whatsoever). Who knows if we'll have that kind of money once a particular goal is reached? That would certainly not be any fun. Perhaps I should decide once I get closer to said goals? And what "level" of loss deserves a reward? Definitely every 10% of body weight lost. Perhaps a smaller reward for the in-between 5% losses? I'll think about it. Any suggestions welcome.

I am finally ready

2009-09-01T18:54:00.002-04:00

I know this is where I am supposed to put a little about me, so I guess I will. My name is Erin. I am a wife, mother of one human child (presently age nearly-about-to-be 5) and three feline ones, and an industrial engineer working as a project manager. I turned 33 this year, and I am hugely overweight. I had always been a pudgy kid, but I somehow miraculously lost weight without really trying in high school. When I graduated from high school in 1994, I was a size 8 and weighed 130 pounds, and had been that weight for 2-3 years. Upon starting college, I have pretty much steadily gained weight every since, some years more than others, but I basically gained and average of 10 pounds a year.

Up until now, besides just the strain on my joints, my weight has not caused any obvious medical conditions, except maybe gall stones. But sometime in the past couple of years, my cholesterol has started to creep up, and back in April it officially crossed the "too high" mark. For Pete's sake, I'm 33! Cholesterol problems are for people in their 60s (right?!). And regardless of whether or not there were health problems that I could see or feel or measure on a blood test, weighing 280 pounds isn't good for almost anyone, much less a woman who is only 5'2".

There have been a lot of changes happening around me and in my own life in recent weeks. The two largest and most personal ones were my son starting Pre-K and making the decision to finally move (thus the house is undergoing quite a few changes as well). If we're all making a fresh start, including the dang house, why can't I? Why can't I actually sit down and finally do the thing I promised to do 2.5 years ago, but never did? But it's not too late to start. It is never too late to start doing something good and healthy for yourself. It's only too late if you're dead, and that is something I would very much like to try and prevent, at least as much as I can. This is definitely a step in that direction.

So here it is, my weight loss blog. For anyone who is trying to figure out the blog title, you should know that my standard internet username is moviemuse. I've been using that name for at least 6 years now, maybe longer. So why "Half a Muse"? Because my goal is to quite literally weigh about half of what I do at this very moment. For anyone who might think that is too much weight to lose, keep in mind that the "healthy range" for BMI (which I know is not the end all and be all of health) is 18.5 to 24.9. For my height, that translates to a weight of 101-136 lbs. So as you can see, 140 pounds is not only half of my current weight, it is also still technically a bit high for my height, at least according to the CDC. However, for titling purposes, half is close enough, no matter how far away it seems at the present moment. I may not make it all the way down to 140. Even my doctor said "under 150" is what she recommended for me. We'll just have to see. Ultimately, it's not about the number on the scale, but I'll talk more about that in a later post.

As much as I think of my personal blog as the place where I discuss everything in my life, I honestly don't want it to be taken over by my musings on food and exercise and physical changes (and emotional outbursts). Not to say that it won't be discussed from time to time over there, but not to the extent that it will be recorded here. Conversely, if you want to know more about what is going on in my "regular life," like how L is doing or how the house hunt/move is going or other such topics, you'll want to follow over there, though again, there may be some crossover material. Apologies to anyone who follows both if I start repeating myself.

So here we go! Previously, I would have said "wish me luck," but there really is no luck involved. This is about hard work, fewer calories, the right kind of calories, and lots of sweat. Did I mention that I hate veggies, love processed foods, adore cheese and pasta, and absolutely loathe sweating? Mm-hmm.... it's going to be an interesting experience to say the least. And a long one. I didn't put on this kind of weight in 6 months, and I'm not going to take it off in 6 months. So, instead of luck, please wish me any and/or all of the following: patience, determination, energy, stamina, forgiveness (of myself), understanding, wisdom, and a positive attitude. In short, wish me a good journey!

More to come!

2009-08-29T20:49:00.000-04:00

Watch this space. (Cheesy, but true.) I think I'm about ready, so let's do this thing!